dear future daughter

Dear Future Daughter,

I am most sorry to tell you that this world is not going to be a rosy field. In fact, it’s the exact opposite – it’s cruel. But rest assured, that I’ll be there for you every step of the way from the moment you exit between my legs.

I wish I could say that the world is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people. However, beautiful people in the world only exist as angels in disguise and they’re depleting by the number as the world continues to be littered with filth, war, and corruption.

I have learned many things by the age of 18 and I want to write it down for you so that I could remember this exact moment of what my thoughts and feelings consist of. Teenagehood is either going to be the best time of your life or it’s going to be tragic. Either way, it’s preparing you for the adult world which is much crueler. I don’t mean to scare you but I think it’s good for you to have a headstart.

First of all, the most important thing to learn is to love yourself. Self-love is essential to how you’re going to view other people and the world itself. It is in fact, a form of defense whenever someone tries to bring you down. It is important to love your flaws no matter what – your birth marks, stretch marks, acne scars, tan skin, cellulite, hairy legs. Whatever it is; you are one of the masterpieces created by The One. Once you’ve learned to love them, nobody can use it against you.

Self-respect is equally important. Know your worth. You are a diamond, a gem. Never let anyone take you for granted. Sometimes in life, you may encounter toxic people or environments. Never let it control you because these things are not worth your time or effort. If someone, especially a prepubescent boy, tries to either take you for granted or control you – walk away immediately. You owe nothing to anyone.

Speaking of prepubescent boys – they are most definitely one of the creatures on Earth that would love to waste your time. Some boys can be cunning and downright evil. They’ll utter sweet words which will taste like honey to capture your heart and once they’ve got a hold of you, they’ll leave your like it’s nothing. Some of them would also have the audacity to come back and talk to you as if they did no wrong. If they come back to you, make sure they’re crawling. Even if they’re crawling, don’t bother going back to them. Watch out for them because neither are they worth your time. You’re my princess but you’ll be brought up as a Queen. A Queen which needs no King.

If a boy dares to make you feel as if you’re entire existence is merely for his own, leave him. If he only wants you to complete his desires, leave him. If he threatens to kill himself just because you’re not with him, leave the hell out of him because he is one toxic, emotionally-manipulating asshole. Do not ever cling on to a boy because souls are not attainable. You cannot force someone to be with you for your own sake. You’re my princess but you’ll be brought up as a Queen. A Queen who needs no King.

The world would often tell you that the role of a woman is to cook and clean. They’d say things like, “No matter how far you study in life, a woman will always end up in the kitchen”. It may be true, but education will determine the size of your kitchen. I will instill in you that a woman’s role is never to only cook and clean after a man. Education is important because it will take your far. Cooking and cleaning are just survival skills which you can touch-and-go. Never succumb to the world’s sexist views. If your future husband expects you to only cook and clean after him, leave him. You are not a maid.

A girl can be anything they want to be. Whether they want to be elegant, classy, fierce, bold, masculine. Sorry but I don’t think I’ll raise you to be the overly-girly or vain type. It’s good to have a little masculinity in you so that people know that you can get down and dirty. People would take you more seriously as a woman. Based on experience, even I get repulsive of girls who are vain and flirty because they always acted as if the world revolves around them.

Whatever it is that makes you happy, go ahead and do it. Never ever overlook yourself just because you wanted to make someone else happy. Always put your happiness first. I don’t care what the world says about you, but if you love something – go ahead and do it. Of course, this is not applicable to stupid things like smoking, drinking, doing drugs and throwing your body around. It is so important that you’re happy with whatever you’re doing – be it your passion or interest. When you’re happy with your interest and passion, it is going to affect the way you look at yourself & the world. You owe no one happiness unless you genuinely want to make someone happy. There is no point in making someone else happy when you’re depressed yourself.

If you’re happy, I’ll be more than happy.

On some days, you’re going to face stormy seas. On some days, you’re going to feel like you want to give up on life. On some days, this Dunya will try to get a hold of you and it’s going to be overwhelming for you to handle. I know how it feels because I had my fair share of crying for days after days. The worst part was nobody knew and I know it hurts badly to feel like nobody is there for you. I am going to be there for you. Most importantly, I am not going to pretend because I’m always going to take my daughter seriously – whether you’re 14 or 18 or 25 or whatever.

Rest assured, that if you ever feel like this Dunya is too much for you to handle, I’ll be there to tell you that you are a kick-ass daughter who can conquer this Dunya. There’s more to tell which I will add on later. That’s all for now.





The first week of school has come to an end. It went pretty smoothly, I guess. However, it’s still the same feeling that is stuck with me. I still feel isolated. From time to time, I still feel alone.

I don’t mean to be a pessimist but looking back, poly life didn’t turn out to how I imagined it to be. I don’t enjoy my time here and I just want to get out as soon as possible. Nevertheless, I am still grateful for a tiny bunch of friends that I’ve made here that has at least made my time in school bearable.

It’s a constant battle of having to play your cards properly when you’re making new friends. I want to be open to making new friends but everyone else is just either too arrogant or they’re just not my cup of tea. It’s scary making new friends at the same time because you can never be too sure about someone. I don’t want to waste time making friends with people I do not want to vibe with.

I realize that I sometimes I get subtly isolated in school. There are many instances whereby people tend to isolate me or pretend that I’m not of any importance during school events. Sometimes I wonder why do I even bother trying to be nice and friendly but it doesn’t bother me too much, though. It’s fine because I don’t intend on getting attached to the people here or neither the school. They’re all just temporary people after all.

I’d say that I have much more sour memories here compared to the sweeter ones. All I could ask for is for time to pass by quickly so that I could get the hell out of here.

self pep-talk

The new dreaded semester has finally arrived. It’s a brand new year for me and I’m already wanting to get it over and done with. As the new semester begins, I have to give myself a pep talk and a list of things to prepare myself for the new year:

  1. Get rid of all unnecessary toxicity. From people, from your own desires. Flush them all out. Never allow toxicity to control you.
  2. Do not be afraid to not entertain or cut people off if they’re not your cup of tea. What’s the point of wasting time with people who you can’t vibe with?
  3. Always keep your guard up – people tend to be very vicious.
  4. Do not let negativity consume you.
  5. Have enough self-respect for you to start learning how to love yourself.
  6. Shut out all forms of negativity from – people, problems.
  7. Do not be afraid to stand your ground. If you have already set your boundaries, nobody can cross it.
  8. Stay lowkey and do your own thang.
  9. If there is anyone who dares to hurt you, simply cut them off because they were never worth your time in the first place.
  10. Be brutal. Be honest.
  11. Stay out of drama – it’s redundant and a waste of time.
  12. Only say things that are relevant and needed. If not, keep it shut. People like to twist words.
  13. Patience. Patience. Patience.
  14. If girls treat you like competition, it means that they’re already BELOW you. Keep doing your own thang.
  15. Remember, not everyone will like you and that’s okay. If they do not like you, they’re probably just too insecure of themselves and perceive you as a threat.
  16. You don’t have to worry about people liking you or not. Just be yourself, and the right people will come to you.
  17. Walk with confidence. Stop being afraid of everyone. Just exude confidence in everything because then, people will treat you with respect.
  18. Never envy others. People have different talents and abilities. Rezeki comes in different forms for different people.
  19. Stay away from people who could potentially use you for their own benefit and stay away from those who involve you in their bullshit. Do not let anyone waste your time.
  20. Sometimes, it’s okay to be alone. Do not feel depressed or lonely just because people don’t always entertain you.
  21. Remember Allah in your heart, always. He will help you get through anything.
  22. Did I mention, patience? Patience. It will help you get through everything.

With that, go kick some ass for year two xoxo